He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
