he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want her autograph on my taint
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
