Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
