mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
