Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
