I've blown a few things in my day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
