my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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