Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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