On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
