4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
