dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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