i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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