We won't sleep together?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
