i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
