Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
