Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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