god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
