i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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