i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
