So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
