In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
