ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
