well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
