thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
