Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
