just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
