She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
