I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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