The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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