i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
