i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
