i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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