just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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