Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
