I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
