Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
