so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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