Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize