Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is Oprah even human
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
