This is not my ceiling
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
