im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You made out with two different species that night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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