im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
