Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
