Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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