What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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