You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
