Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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