The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
