I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
