Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I just sharted jello shots
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
