haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
