Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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