you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
