You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
