Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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