Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
