420 ftw
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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