I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
