I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
