Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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