Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
