Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize