i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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