hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
