i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
