and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
