Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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