My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize