I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
