Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
